He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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