so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
