You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
