he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
