I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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