This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
