Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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