It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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