I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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