im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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