1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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