If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
