i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
