i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
how does that bad decision feel?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
