The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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