Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Bring me that man meat
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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