They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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