I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
