This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
