i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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