made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
