I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
