Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
