Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
