I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
