my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
