I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
