So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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