dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
