His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
