So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
