The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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