Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
