I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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