if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
