my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
