then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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