youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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