your thong is hanging out like whoa
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
