Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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