if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
