hotel room ftw
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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