i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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