So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I looked at my own cervix.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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