Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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