Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
