I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
