i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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