You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
