I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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