i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
