last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
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He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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