Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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