just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
