my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
