we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
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Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize