woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
