pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
