4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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