i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
