Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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