Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
