Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
