my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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