Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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