i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
