If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
