No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
