No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
