I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
