gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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