Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
