I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
