Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
